she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
