when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
