i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
