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God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
