so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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