If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
