No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize