I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
