Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
