dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
