btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
being pregnant is like rehab
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
