IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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