I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
