I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
