Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
smell my finger.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize