i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
