she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
