Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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