im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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