I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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