Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
