Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
