Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
