I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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