Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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