did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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