i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
