I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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