I cannot find my penis.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
