I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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