just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
