Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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