if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
