operation harelip BJ is a go
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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