They should really pass out barf bags in church
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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