So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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