The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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