There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
