dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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