I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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