Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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