Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
