I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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