how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
