You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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