my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
