why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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