meet me or not, i'm out of control
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
