Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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