Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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