dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
