This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize