im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Help. Why am I so naked?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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