I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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