She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
