I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
