My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
