So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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