I feel great
I just peed on a car
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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