I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
