It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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