Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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