Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
