She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
