So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
